Friday's LOL Jokes

Joke # 1

There are two sides to every argument, but I don't have
time to listen to yours.

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Joke # 2

Had it all

A man was complaining to a friend, "I had it all -
money, a magnificent house, a fast car, the love of a
beautiful woman...then, poof! It was all gone!"

"What happened?" asked the friend.

"My wife found out..."

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Q: What do a farmer and a pimp have in common?
A: Both need a hoe to stay in business.

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Joke # 3

Tired

The new patient was airing his woes to an understanding
doctor:

"After the first, I'm tired, Doc. After the second, my
chest aches and I start getting pains in my legs. After
the third, I feel like fainting and it takes half-an-
hour for my heart and respiration to return to normal."

"Why don't you quit after the first?" inquired the doctor.
"How can I do that, Doc?" said the patient. "I live on
the third."

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Joke # 4

Blonde Education Department

The Blondes at the university were tired of not fitting
in. They were tired of other students assuming they were
just stupid bimbos. They wanted somewhere where they felt
they belonged.

So they pressured the administration to set up a new
Department especially for them. The university agreed,
and set up the Blonde Education Department.

The Blondes were ecstatic to have a department of their
own where they could gather without being ridiculed. They
felt they really belonged now. They wanted other students
to see that they weren't just stupid bimbos after all,
they now had their own department at the university.

So they now all proudly wear the official sweatshirt of
the Blonde Education Department which sports the saying:
"I Belong in B.E.D."

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Joke # 5

Friends

A couple has a male friend who's visiting from out-of-
state, when an unexpected blizzard blows in, and keeps
him from traveling.

Since the couple has no guest room, he states his
intention to find a nearby hotel, and be on his way in
the morning.

"Nonsense," says the wife. "Our bed is plenty big enough
for all three of us, and we're all friends here."

The husband concurs, and before long they're settled in:
husband in the middle, wife on his left, friend on his
right.

After a while, the husband begins snoring, and the wife
sneaks over to the friend's side of the bed, and invites
him to have sex with her.

Naturally, he'd like to, but he's reluctant.

"We're in the same bed with your husband! He'll wake up,
and he'll kill me."

"Don't worry about it," she says, "he's such a sound
sleeper, he'll never notice. If you don't believe me,
just yank a hair off of his butt. He won't even wake
up."

So the friend yanks a hair off the husband's anus, and
sure enough, she's right.

Her husband sleeps right through having a hair yanked out
of his butt.

So, she and the friend have sex, and then she goes back
to her side of the bed.

After about twenty minutes, though, she's back on his
side of the bed, asking him to do it again.

The same argument follows, another hair is yanked from
the husband's corn hole, and again they have sex.

This keeps up for about half the night, until after about
the sixth time, when the wife goes back to her side.

Then the husband rolls over, and whispers to his friend,
"I don't mind that you're fu**ing my wife, but do you
really have to use my butthole as your scoreboard?"

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Q: Did you hear about the couple who both achieved
mutual sexual satisfaction at the very same moment?
A: They both said, "Not tonight, I have a headache."