A Couple of Groaners

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is
away to paint the toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than
expected, sits, & gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught about this asks her husband to drive her to the doctor.
She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and off they go.
When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament. The man asks,

"Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?"

"Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but never framed."

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Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner.
On the first hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent
heard him mutter, "Hoover!" under his breath.

On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard.
"Hoover!" again, a little louder this time.

On the third hole, a miracle occurred & Fr. Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole! "Praise be to God!"

He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER!!!!"

By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer, &asked why the priest said "Hoover".

"It's the biggest dam I know."