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Laugh at these funny quotes

By: Nicolas Laube On: 7:08 PM
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  • Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. 

    Marriage changes passion.
    Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

    I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
    So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

    How come we choose from just two people to run for
    president and over fifty for Miss America?

    A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"

    I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

    When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

    Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

    Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

    Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

    Wouldn't you know it...
    Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

     Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

    Bumper sticker of the year:
    "If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"

    And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
    Ya just might want to pass this along....


    1. I love the one about the exercise class and loose-fitting clothes! (I'll have to put that on my "use for Facebook status" list.

    2. That one about arguing with an idiot is the best. And it's so true!

    3. The one with the true friend sitting next to you in prison is excellent.

    4. All these quotes are funny, and I also agree with the one about the idiot.

    5. Reading these gave me two days worth of laughter,lol.

    6. those last two are food for thought, the others were downright funny!

    7. Awesome quotes, really cracked me up!!

    8. My favorite was the bumper sticker of the year. I used to be a day care teacher and my son's Army so this one hit home!

    9. I cracked up over a few of these...glad I wasn't drinking at the time!!